Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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