dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize