I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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