I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
