We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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