Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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