at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Damn victory sex feels great
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
its liver damage thursday
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
