Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
