Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
3pm strippers are depressing
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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