the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
