Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
