One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
