he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
