Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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