Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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