Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
