My nipple is on Facebook.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
