I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
