sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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