That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Less talking, more tequila
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
don't judge my taste in strippers
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
