I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
