I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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