what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
