My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
