if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
