Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
