OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
