I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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