there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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