Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
