I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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