BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
