well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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