Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
