So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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