Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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