Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
