As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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