Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
