I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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