my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
