just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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