I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
