I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
