somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
