Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
