Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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