I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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