Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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