that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
