she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
