ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
