At least make sure they are 18
Why
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
