I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
