Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
