Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
