i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
