Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
