I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
