I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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