is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
