I cannot find my penis.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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