one might say we're banned from that church
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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