when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize