I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize