You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
