she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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