she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
